Do you have what it takes to be a savvy un-naturalist, someone who knows what all the technological bric-a-brac and industrial structures around us are, what they’re for, and why they’re there? Take this short quiz and find out exactly how un-natural you are and whether you’d be a good guide in the urban-industrial landscape.
Choose only one answer per question, please.
1. When I take a walk in the woods, I:
a) breathe in the clean, fresh scent of the trees and scan the sky for birds.
b) breathe in the clean, fresh scent of the trees and scan the sky for utility poles.
c) breathe in the clean, fresh scent of the trees and scan the sky for the grim, winged, and fanged followers of Morgauth-Kul.
d) breathe in the clean, fresh scent of the trees and scan the sky for . . . I don’t know.
2. When I’m in the car with my parental guardian, I:
a) twiddle with the radio dial until I get the weather report.
b) twiddle with the radio dial until I fine-tune the reception to intercept the weather report from Uzbekistan.
c) twiddle with the radio dial until I get the hisses and static that are the weather report from the Unnamed Lands Which Must Not Be Named.
d) twiddle with the radio dial until I get a station I like and then . . . I don’t know.
3. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is:
a) feed my cats, dogs, birds, bunnies, and hamsters.
b) charge my collection of electronic gadgets.
c) commune with my intelligent and telepathically linked dragons.
d) open my eyes and . . . I don’t know.
4. At school,my favorite subject is:
b) structural engineering.
d) I don’t know-ology.
5. My favorite book is:
a) A Field Guide to the Mammals of North America.
b) A Field Guide to the Industrial Landscape.
c) A Field Guide to the Were-Folk of Mordor.
d) A Field Guide to I Don’t Know.
6. When I’m lost, I:
a) carefully study the moss on tree trunks, knowing the moss is thicker on the north side.
b) carefully study the arrangement of satellite dishes, which generally point south in the Northern Hemisphere.
c) carefully study my grimoire for the spell that Lights the True Pathe Under Thy Feete.
d) ask for directions, get a map . . . I don’t know.
7. Imagine a perfect day. Would it include:
a) no homework, copious sunshine, fragrant flowers, and colorful butterflies?
b) no homework, copious sunshine, gleaming cellular telephone towers, and hissing power lines?
c) no homework and copious sunshine, which is anathema to all members of the Living Dead?
d) no homework, and not being asked stupid questions? . . . I don’t know.
Now check your answers.
Mostly a’s: Your answers suggest you may be a naturalist at heart, more fond of plants and animals than sludge digesters and electrical transformers. But don’t despair: you, too, can become more at home in the urban-industrial landscape. A good first step would be to adopt a guardrail. It might also help to start thinking of the warm and fuzzy side of a microwave tower.
Mostly b’s: Your answers suggest you may indeed be a natural-born un-naturalist, truly at home in the urban-industrial landscape. Congratulations!
Mostly c’s: Your answers suggest you may be a supernaturalist. Surely there must be some mundane Transformation Towers or unmagical Lines of Power in the far distant lands you inhabit?
Mostly d’s: Your answers suggest you may be a smart aleck. When you do know something, give us a call.