{"id":970,"date":"2005-10-01T22:09:31","date_gmt":"2005-10-02T03:09:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/?p=970"},"modified":"2011-05-01T18:32:43","modified_gmt":"2011-05-01T23:32:43","slug":"wonder-drug","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/?p=970","title":{"rendered":"wonder drug"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Hey, it&#8217;s my favorite TV commercial!<a href=\"http:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/panacea.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-971\" title=\"panacea\" src=\"http:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/panacea.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"130\" height=\"168\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Things just weren&#8217;t right anymore. I didn&#8217;t want to admit I had a problem.<\/p>\n<p>It was a hangnail. It hurt. And I didn&#8217;t know where to turn. I was going  to use cuticle scissors, but sharp, shiny, pointy little things  frightened me. I felt so ashamed.<\/p>\n<p>Then I heard about Panacea\u00ae. With just seven turquoise-spotted chartreuse pills taken over a week, my hangnail was gone.<\/p>\n<p>Panacea\u00ae. For hangnails. It works. If you give it enough time\u2122.<\/p>\n<p>Always consult your manicurist, Greek teacher, and\/or legal guardian  before taking Panacea\u00ae. Minor side effects may include tartar buildup,  burgeoning earwax, and hair growth. Oily patches may develop on the face  if soap is not used. An occasional funny taste has been reported by  subjects who have placed Panacea\u00ae in their mouths.<\/p>\n<p>Major side effects may include heart palpitations, a forceful exhalation  of the lungs, the occasional yawn, and an uncontrollable urge to laugh  at people speaking Esperanto. Do not use Panacea\u00ae if you are being  treated for any of the following: the common cold, cold hands, hot  hands, hot head, dry skin, fingernail biting, or cooties. If you suffer  from hangnails, you should not take Panacea\u00ae. If Panacea\u00ae is taken daily  for a century or more, death may result. Panacea\u00ae. For hangnails. It  works. If you give it enough time\u2122.<\/p>\n<h6><em>This article appeared in the October 2005 issue of the children&#8217;s science magazine <\/em>Muse.<\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey, it&#8217;s my favorite TV commercial! Things just weren&#8217;t right anymore. I didn&#8217;t want to admit I had a problem. It was a hangnail. It hurt. And I didn&#8217;t know where to turn. I was going to use cuticle scissors, &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/?p=970\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-childrens"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/970","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=970"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/970\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1026,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/970\/revisions\/1026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=970"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=970"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/agnieszkabiskup.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}